[No one can take my anger]

By FATIMAH ASGHAR 

not even you who caused it.

& no one can take my madness
not even my honied friends

who try to pull me back from
the edge of myself, who update

each other in the groupchat
of how my body is wasting

how i’ve stopped eating,
frail, my withering wrists.

no one can take my vengeance,
not the healer sent to fix

my spine or the flame i confess
to in the dark of the day.

no one can take my mundane
memories, us trying to fit

three suitcases in the back
of an uber, everyone mad

at the american way we take
up space. and us in the doctors

office in the sticky heat, your skin
slightly grey from dengue &

the doctor’s voice: yes, it feels like
you’re going to die. like every bone

 is broken. the good thing is,
you won’t. die. it’s only a feeling.

 the bad thing is, there’s no medicine.
i followed the shopkeeper

to cut the leaves off a plant
out back & brew you a tea.

temporary relief. medicine, no.
magic, no. but relief, small,

while you slept & i waited
on the porch, trying to figure out

what to do. no one can take
my soft heart, unblocking you

when she leaves, worried you
might be unwell. there is a story

mundane & unfinished. i loved
the wrong person. or, i loved

the right person & it wasn’t
enough. i loved & then betrayal

sank its teeth. i loved & then
bled, for too long after. i picked

the scab & bled some more.
my bleeding meant i was still

yours, somehow. child
of loss. broken & left

by those who claimed to love
me, still looking for hope.

all artists are the children of loss.
my teacher says. all artists call

to betrayal & make a new world
in the bruise.

[Purchase Issue 31 here.]

Fatimah Asghar is a poet, filmmaker, educator, and performer whose work includes an Emmy-nominated web series, a National Book Award longlisted book of fiction, and a critically acclaimed book of poetry. They served as the co-producer and writer of “Time and Again” for Ms. Marvel on Disney+.